Krillin's Bad Day
by Jesa Jaisai
Summary: One of my weirder ones. Don't remember if I already uploaded this one or not....feh. Krillin happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and a most insane adventure ensues. RNR ^_^


Spoon Productions 2000© Presents...  
  
(BALD MIDGETS BAD DAY(  
  
  
  
  
  
11:00 am.  
  
Krillin swallowed loudly in the middle of the isle of the convenience store and clutched his purchase tightly to his chest. Should anyone see him here, it would most certainly mean an untimely death. (Or, if you want to be a little less dramatic, a perfectly good reputation gone to waste.)  
  
He looked down at the bottle of 'Propecia' that he held in his hands and wondered briefly what possessed him to do such a thing. Why did he even want hair? What exactly was it that had prompted him to awake in the middle of the night with an uncontrollable desire to run his fingers through a full head of hair? Perhaps it was the fact that he had never had hair. He wondered what it would feel like. He realised, suddenly, that he had lain awake for many a countless nights wondering what hair protruding from ones scalp would feel like.  
  
He thought then of 18. The fiery girl he loved. Would his beloved 18 find him more attractive with hair? Would it get him more blowjobs? Would she cuddle up to him and-  
  
No, 18 was not the cuddly type. He frowned. He would just buy the bottle and stash it somewhere at home. Nobody would be the wiser. If the time came when he needed hair for some earth saving purpose, he would use the Extra Strength Propecia. But not before.  
  
Summoning all the courage he could muster, he began his long descent up the isle toward the cashier at the front of the store. Once there, he slowly placed the bottle on the counter with trembling hands and refused to look at the cashier, instead slamming his hands into his pockets of his bright orange ninja gi. He tried not to look suspicious. It failed however, and he supposed that the silence of the cashier was words enough.  
  
"'A'IGHT!" he finally screamed. "What is it, huh? Is it 'cause I'm BALD? Do you find it ODD that a BALD man would purchase a bottle of HAIR GROWTH formula!? I'll bet you're DYING to know WHY a BALD man would ever want to buy-  
  
"Heya Krillin!"  
  
Krillin stopped dead in his rant. The voice sounded all too familiar. He looked up into the grinning face of what he dreaded would be his life-long best friend.  
  
Goku smiled back at him. "I'm working here on a part time job!" he grinned stupidly again and fiddled with his nametag proudly. "I bet you'd never suspect that, huh? I bet you thought all I ever needed to do was train and protect the earth, but Chi-Chi figured that we needed some extra money. It's for Gohan, y'know? She say's we need to be able to afford him a proper education."  
  
Krillin wasn't really listening. "Uh." he laughed nervously suddenly and put one hand behind his head. "Oh! Gee, what was I doing? I didn't mean to pick this up. Boy, how stupid can somebody get? Oh man, ah jeez, I feel like a real loser, Goku. I meant to buy some Pond's facial strips. I'll just put this back."  
  
He smiled at Goku; a sweatdrop of massive proportions forming on his forehead. Goku smiled back. "Well sure Krillin! Everybody makes mistakes!"  
  
Krillin nodded. Thank god for me you're as stupid as tits on a fucking bull, goku.  
  
He turned and headed back down the isle with his bottle of Propecia. Slightly disappointed, he put it back on the shelf and began searching for facial strips. I'll just have to buy it at another store. He told himself. All was going well. That was, until he noticed the spikey shadow cast on the ground under the fluorescent lights.  
  
"Hmph. What are you doing here, fool?"  
  
Krillin felt like dying inside. Of all people, he had to run into the arrogant Prince of the Sayajins himself. He would not get away with it this time. Vegeta was far from stupid. In fact, he sometimes proved to be a complete a total genius. Lucky for him.  
  
He turned and acknowledged the towering profile of Bulma's husband. Vegeta was not exactly considered 'towering' but when you are a midget, everything is. It was not the height of Vegeta that was intimidating to Krillin, it was the fact that he knew Vegeta could wipe the floor with him within a matter of seconds. He unconsciously backed away. "Heya Vegeta. I'm just.shopping."  
  
Vegeta lifted one eyebrow and looked suspiciously at the bottle that was still in Krillins frozen hand. "Shopping for." he tore the bottle out of Krillin's hand, "Hair growth formula?" he snorted arrogantly, as was his trademark. "You're an even bigger idiot than that brainless traitor at the counter. Hair formula will not do the job, you weakling human." He put it back on the shelf and smirked with his own private victory. "Could I suggest surgery?"  
  
Krillin slumped his shoulders and sighed. "Thank you for the humiliation, Vegeta. You've made your point. Now I'm going to buy these facial strips and-  
  
Vegeta threw his head back and laughed. "Oh, I thought it would be humorous enough to see Kakarott working the till while I train at the Capsuel Corp., but seeing your feeble attempt at masking a mistake with facial strips that are designed to be placed across one's nose is even more amusing!"  
  
Krillin felt red hot heat flood his face. "They're not for me!" He sputtered. "They're for 18. She's always getting me to buy her stupid stuff like this."  
  
Vegeta made loud whip cracking noises. "You need to train your woman like I have. When I call for dinner, she brings it. When I want sex, she gives it to me."  
  
Krillin scowled. "I can't exactly train someone who could rip me in two before I had a chance to blink." He shoved past the Prince, "Besides, I'm above that sort of thing."  
  
"The only thing you're above in this world is your woman's breasts." Vegeta said. Krillin looked over his shoulder. "Why the hell are you following me anyway? Don't you have better things to do?" He stopped and looked at Vegeta's hands, which were held behind his back. "You didn't exactly explain what you're doing here."  
  
Vegeta scowled. And when Vegeta scowls, people run for their lives. "I do not have to tell you, human." He snorted. "Now pay for your facial strips."  
  
Krillin grinned. "I think I have caught you at your own game, Vegeta. What exactly are you hiding back there that's so embarrassing that nobody can see?  
  
Vegeta's scowl darkened. "This conversation is getting dangerous."  
  
Before he could react, Goku had appeared behind him. Vegeta felt the object taken from his hands. "KAKAROTT!" He snarled. Goku held up the box of Tampax Tampons and frowned, scratching his head. "Aren't these-  
  
Vegeta tore the box from Goku's hands and turned, enraged, to the now hysterical Krillin. "SILENCE!! YOU WILL TELL NO ONE OF THIS!"  
  
Krillin held up his hands. "Whatever you say, Vegeta. I suppose those are for you, right? I mean, you're not being 'whipped' and buying those for your weakling human wife, are you?"  
  
Vegeta grabbed Krillin by the neck and brought him up to his face. "If you tell a soul about this, I will personally see to it that 18 hears about your bald insecurities. In fact, I will make sure the entire city knows within days." He put Krillin back down on the floor and scowled, turning toward the door. Goku frowned. "HEY! VEGETA! YOU DIDN'T PAY FOR THOSE!" he called after him.  
  
Vegeta spun on his heels, clenching a fist. "SO HELP ME KAKAROTT, I WILL NOT DISGRACE MY BLOODLINE BY PAYING REAL MONEY FOR A BOX OF FEMALE COTTON! YOU'RE BOTH LUCKY I HAVEN'T FINAL FLASHED THIS ENTIRE BUILDING!" He snarled once more and slammed the door behind him. The alarm sounded seconds earlier.  
  
Goku sweatdropped. "Krillin, could you manage the counter for a few seconds while I go after Vegeta? I'm going to make him pay for those."  
  
Krillin looked exasperated. "But Goku, I have to-  
  
Goku was already out the door, and Krillin stared at the spot where he had materialised seconds ago. He sighed, and slowly trudged toward the counter. Outside, he watched the sky turn a brilliant shade of gold as Goku screamed 'KAMEHAMEHA!!!!'  
  
11: 45 A.M  
  
Krillin put his head in his hands. Well, this day was off to a good start. He secretly cheered for Goku as he listened to the intense explosions and hoarse attack screams. Well, he mused, at least nobody would be coming into the store to buy anything. He supposed he would just have to sit and wait the fight out. Knowing those two, they weren't going to kill each other. Vegeta would try, and he would try hard, but Goku would probably end up letting him have his way. After all, he wasn't about to let the entire city block be destroyed over a box of super absorbent tampons.  
  
Just then he heard the jingle of bells as the door opened. He looked up, wondering who in the hell would be strong enough to brave the fight outside to come into a convenience store. A small boy with extraordinarily long black curly hair stared at him sullenly from under a mass of tangled bangs. Krillin shrank back at the sight of his blood red eyes. The boy seemed startled by his baldness and shortness, but did not shrink back.  
  
"Uh.Hey." Krillin said. The boy said nothing. "Um.some fight out there, huh?"  
  
The boy cast a glance over his shoulder at the festivities behind him. He shrugged. Krillin suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable.  
  
"You uh.wanna buy something?" He motioned around him. "We uh.have lot's of things." He picked up the first thing he saw and thrust it out in front of him. "See?" The boy stared at the long shiny package of Prime Beef Teriyaki Jerky and again, said nothing.  
  
Krillin decided he would no longer attempt to start a conversation. He sat down on the stool behind the counter and preoccupied himself with dusting the shelves. He looked up out of the corner of his eyes. The boy with the black hair and red eyes had now made his way to the first isle. Krillin sighed with relief, and continued cleaning and re- organising the shelves.  
  
12:07 A.M  
  
"Excuse me."  
  
Krillin jumped and looked up from the Penthouse he had discovered. The boy with the red eyes was holding a copy of 'Spiderman'. "Yes?" The boy looked down at his feet. "Would you, sir, have a gothic section in this store? I'm having a hard time finding what I need."  
  
"What do you need.?" Krillin asked warily.  
  
"Well," The boy started, "Today, as you should know, is Saturday. Saturday is the day that my Teacher's let me out."  
  
"Let you out?"  
  
"Yes. On Saturdays, I usually spend my days shopping for certain items that I find will increase my chances of not being bored. Sitting in a dungeon can be tiring. Plus, the brat needs some things too. Do you sell any weaponry?"  
  
Krillin blinked. He turned and looked at the 'most wanted' posters on the wall beside him. Nobody matched the description of the strange boy. He decided to stay calm.  
  
"Uh.the brat?" he looked around. "Weaponry?"  
  
The boy reached down and lifted a small, adorable red head into his arms and set her down on the counter. "Her name is Jeryn."  
  
The aforementioned 'Jeryn' smiled a gap-toothed smile. "I like knives." She said cheerfully. Then she pointed. "You're bald!"  
  
Krillin felt horrified. "Uhm.yes. What did you say you needed?"  
  
The boy looked thoughtful. "A few bulk packages of Lime. And a shovel if you carry any." He must have noticed the look on Krillins sweat drenched face, because he leaned in closer and said behind his hand, "You know how it is. Little kids these days just don't know how to dump a body properly. I mean, she just leaves the guy lying in the middle of the hallway. And to top that off, she forgets to cut off his head and hands. The smell's been driving Justin and Caleth crazy. So anyway, I thought I'd get rid of it properly for them, you know?"  
  
Silence reigned in the store. The only sound was the faint clicking and humming of the air conditioner above their heads. After a moment the boy shrugged and picked Jeryn up off the counter. "Well, I guess you don't have what I need. I'll have to take my business elsewhere." He took Jeryns hand and led her to the door. Jeryn waved. "Bye bye baldie!" she cried, pushing the door open in front of her. The jingle signalled their departure, and krillin sagged with relief.  
  
"My god.what's wrong with the world these days? Is it so bad that you have to deal with psycho's on an everyday basis?" He paused thoughtfully. "Actually, that's what I do everyday of my life." He trailed off, thinking suddenly of Freiza. He shuddered.  
  
This day has got to come to an end soon. As soon as he had finished the thought, another explosion sounded outside, followed by Vegeta's enraged voice screaming; "KISAMA KAKAROTT!! I WILL NOT PAY FOR THESE!! YOU CANNOT WIN!" Krillin put his head back in his hands. I guess I spoke too soon.  
  
Just then he noticed that the alarm was still on. He blinked and looked surprised. Neither he or the boy had noticed the alarm during their time together. That's odd. He headed into the back room labelled 'Employees Only' and pushed the door open. To his right there was a small switch beside the lightswitch labelled 'Alarm System' he clicked it off. Sighing, he trudged slowly back to the counter.  
  
Like cows herded into a slaughterhouse.  
  
Two seconds after he had sat back down the familiar tinkle of the bells above the doors sounded. He looked up, expecting to see the black hared boy carrying some hideous disembowelled body with a toothy grin on his face. Instead, he saw 18.  
  
"18!" He beamed and felt all his troubles suddenly drain away. 18 looked over her shoulder at the explosions behind her and gave him an inquiring look, walking over to the counter where he sat. Krillin smiled. "Vegeta and Goku are settling a little dispute." He smiled. Again. "Goku asked me to watch this place while he was.away."  
  
18 reached over the counter and quite suddenly grabbed Krillin roughly by the throat. She brought his face very close to hers and said "AUGH!" as loudly as she could.  
  
Krillin looked her in the eye and tried hard to keep his composure. It proved to be extremely difficult. After a few moments of silence where he regained some dignity, 18 made a low guttural noise and lowered him back down.  
  
"Bad day?"  
  
She nodded. "Some fucking cocksucker at the gas station tried to lay this bullshit on me about Saturdays being more expensive than any other motherfucking day of the week. I mean what the FUCK!" she roared, a glowing Ki ball forming in her hands. "So I fucking told the guy that I wasn't gonna pay any extra fucking money for his shitfaced benefit, and he says he's gonna report me and-  
  
Her voice trailed off in a low snarl. She hunched over, curling her fists into claws and started growling at the nearest object of her attention. Krillin noticed with some dismay that it happened to be the 'Dirty Magazine' rack. He stood back and took cover behind the counter, taking care to cover his bald midget head with his hands. A few seconds later he heard his enraged girlfriend scream inhumanly, and then heard the horrible screeching and bending of twisted and gnarled steel as the poor magazine rack suffered its fate. But that was not all. After the now indistinguishable display of 'Penthouse' fell to the floor with a steaming clunk, 18 leaped over it in (yes, a single bound) and began her assault on the rest of the unfortunate convenience store. The entire ordeal took only a few seconds. Then it was over, and the smoke was clearing, and silence began to fill the store. Krillin poked his head back up. 18 stood back and admired her handiwork. She crossed her arms over her chest and grinned savagely. "I feel much better." She said. Krillin didn't look convinced. "Are you sure?" 18 turned her dangerous gaze on him. "Yes, I'm sure!" she said a little too loudly. Krillin shrank back a couple centimetres. He nervously picked up a package of Mentos and held them out to her. "Want a mint?"  
  
"Yea!!"  
  
Together, the two sat down to enjoy their fruity freshmaker meal.  
  
Just then Vegeta burst in through the door. His hair, as usually dismayed as it is, was even more so dismayed, and stuck out on all sides rather than straight up. His face was contorted in a mixture of rage, embarrassment, and defeat. He threw the box of charred and smokey Tampons onto the floor with enough force to leave a small crater. Then he stood back and grabbed his hair, threw his head back, and screamed.  
  
Krillin and 18 gave him 'a look' and returned to their meal.  
  
Vegeta obviously did not appreciate being ignored. Picking up the Tampons, he incinerated the box with a flick of his wrist and stalked over toward the two.  
  
"YOU!" he pointed at Krillin. "YOU AND YOUR HAIR GROWTH FORMULA!"  
  
Krillin's face paled. 18 looked at him, one eyebrow raised. "Wha'?"  
  
Vegeta clawed at his chestplate. "THAT'S WHAT GOT ME INTO THIS!!I WAS GOING TO PAY FOR THEM, BUT NO! YOU HAD TO THREATEN ME!"  
  
"I think you need to calm the fuck down, buddy." 18 frowned up at him. "Take some Valium, you freak. Who the hell does your hair?"  
  
Vegeta screamed like a schoolgirl and tore more hair out of his head. The whole traumatic experience must have been too much for him. After a few minutes of whimpering and sobbing, he took his head out of his hands and settled down on the floor next to the other two. Goku came in seconds after, a rather angry look on his face.  
  
"I think you've learned your lesson, Vegeta. Next time, you pay for what you want to buy."  
  
"Suck my balls, Kakarott."  
  
Goku shook his head. "Why do you have to be so disagreeable all the time?"  
  
"Because after years of planet hunting I'm mentally unstable." Vegeta whipped around and pointed at Goku. "THIS WHOLE FUCKING PLANET COULD HAVE BEEN MINE!!" he screamed at him, a vein bulging on his neck. Goku just shrugged.  
  
Krillin smiled secretly. "If Goku and I hadn't kicked your ass, you mean." 18 laughed with him, and popped another mentos in her mouth. "Mmm. Fruity goodness." Nobody seemed to hear her.  
  
Vegeta glared at him. "No, if Kakarott had been a true Sayajin and given you the ok to kill me, I would have been dead and you could have been safe." He sneered. "But your friend is stupid, human. He could have spared you and your weakling friends a lot of misery by killing off my Royal ass."  
  
Krillin nodded. "True, true."  
  
Goku looked wounded. "Hey!"  
  
18 turned to him. "Well he's right, y'know. You aren't exactly the brightest Crayon in the box."  
  
"I don't hit women." Goku said slowly, as if he were suddenly pondering changing that.  
  
Vegeta chewed noisily on a Mentos. "However, you're thinking of making an exception? Her power rating is very high. Not bad for a female."  
  
18 glared at him. "I could take all of you bitches on. Or have you forgotten our first encounter?"  
  
"Look!" Krillin stepped in between the two. "Don't you think we've fought enough today? Why don't you two just shut up!"  
  
18 stood up. "I oughta punch you in the mouth, Krillin. Can't you see me and the Princey are on our way to settling something?"  
  
Krillin looked exasperated. So he did the only thing he could have done in the situation, he turned to Goku. "Help me." He said, rather pathetically. "You gotta help me, Goku."  
  
Goku scratched his head. "Uh, well I don't know Krillin.you got yourself into-  
  
"ARGH!!" Krillin yelled. "No, Goku! You're the one who made me 'mind the fucking counter'! This is your goddamn store, YOU mind the counter! All I wanted to do today was-  
  
"Magically grow some hair?" Vegeta suggested from behind everybody. He smirked evilly at Krillin's discomfort.  
  
"Yeah? So what if I want hair? Is that such a crime?"  
  
Everybody save for Vegeta went silent. 18 looked offended. Goku looked oblivious. Krillin sighed. "Look.I thought hair might.well.I don't know.make me sexier."  
  
18 punted him in the side of the head. "You idiot!! Hair isn't what makes a person sexy! I love you for what you are."  
  
"And what am I?" Krillin asked hesitantly.  
  
18 stood up proudly and thrust a fist skyward in the traditional Anime Girl fashion. "Why, Bald and Short of course!!" Little fireworks went off behind her and tiny little sparklies shot off in all directions. Vegeta made a barfing noise.  
  
Krillin smiled an 'idiot smile' "I love you too, 18! Every little rabid inch of you!"  
  
She got him in a headlock and hauled him off into the back room. Strange noises followed quickly after, and nobody exactly wanted to question them.  
  
"Well," Goku stood up and looked at Vegeta. "I guess this is it."  
  
Vegeta glared at him and crossed his arms. "What do you mean, Kakarott?"  
  
"I mean this is where I get back to work and you go home to your wife and son."  
  
Vegeta snorted. "That is not what I go home to. I go home to food and the gravity chamber." He smirked. "I am happy for your new job. Now I will be training and getting stronger while you are serving pathetic weakling humans all day long."  
  
Goku shrugged. "I like helping people."  
  
"That is why you disgust me."  
  
Goku sighed and took his rightful place behind the counter. He wiggled around until he was comfortable, adjusted his dorky hat, and rested his chin in his hands.  
  
"Business is slow today." He remarked. "Aren't you going to buy more Tampons for Bulma? I'm sure she's at home waiting for them."  
  
Vegeta squirmed. "NO!" he yelled, yanking roughly on the blue material of his spandex suit. "The woman can get the damn things herself if she needs them so badly."  
  
"IS THAT SO!?"  
  
Vegeta turned, a bit startled. Bulma and Trunks stood in the doorway, Bulma with her hands on her hips. She gave Vegeta an ice-melting glare and stormed over to him.  
  
"Just look at you!" she grabbed his face in both hands. "You're all dirty and sweaty! Have you been fighting again? Just look at what you did to mainstreet outside! Can't you stupid barbaric Sayajins control yourselves at all?"  
  
Vegeta felt his face heating up. "Shut up, woman! This is all your fault anyway! If you didn't bleed once every month and complain of back aches I wouldn't have had to-  
  
"VEGETA! YOU TRY MY PATIENCE!" Bulma screamed into his face. "Now you go back into that isle and get me a new box of Tampax, right now! I'm making you, you arrogant, pompous asshole! So you do what I say, and you do it now!"  
  
Trunks hung his head in shame and walked over to Goku, mindful of his parents yelling. "Hey Goku. What's up? How's the job coming along?"  
  
Goku looked sympathetic. "It's ok, Trunks. Hey, sorry this had to happen in public."  
  
Trunks pushed his hair off his forehead and shrugged. "Aw what the hell. It happens all the time. I'm pretty used to coming from a severely dysfunctional family."  
  
Goku nodded. "I guess me and Vegeta messed up the city pretty badly. It was his fault though. He was going to rob me."  
  
"Rob you for Tampons?" Trunks asked. "Jeeze, that's sad."  
  
"Yeah, kinda."  
  
"Never a dull moment with you two around." Trunks smiled. "Have you seen Krillin anywhere?  
  
"Yeah," Goku said, thumbing over his shoulder. "He's in the back room hittin' that."  
  
Trunks balked. "What?"  
  
"18."  
  
Trunks nodded and leaned against the counter. "Aahhh." he said slowly, as if he understood everything perfectly. "Bald and Short."  
  
"Indeed." Goku replied.  
  
SUDDENLY..!!  
  
Two figures, dressed in entirely black, jumped down from the ceiling and landed in impressive stances.  
  
"NINJAS!" Trunks screamed.  
  
"WWOOOOOOOOYYYYYY!!!!" The two 'Ninjas' screamed. One pulled out a sword. The other pulled out two scythes.  
  
Vegeta stood in front of Bulma. "What do you want? Cheese? Nuts?"  
  
The two Ninjas pulled off their facemasks, to reveal.  
  
Jesa Jaisai and Dane O'Hara!!  
  
( Shameless Self-Insertion!(  
  
"We want to end this fanfic." Jesa said in a low voice, meant to sound impressive. "Because it's starting to get stale."  
  
Dane nodded his agreement. "That's right. Now, hand over the Bald Midget and everything will be fine." He motioned behind him to the boy from before, who was indeed Varro Lain. He was holding a rocket launcher. "Don't make me use this." For added effect, Varro growled. "He has distemper."  
  
At the mention of his name, Krillin opened the door to the back room and stepped out, his Orange Ninja Gi torn and splattered with blood in a symbol of passion that only 18 could have delivered.  
  
"Who called me?"  
  
Dane held up a hand. "I did. Now, if you'd come with us. Quietly."  
  
"Why?"  
  
Jesa stepped forward. "Don't make us dance like the Ginyu Force. Just do what we say."  
  
Dane looked appalled. "WHY? Because you're Bald and Short, that's why! The world just doesn't have enough Bald and Short people these days."  
  
Jesa nodded. "That's right." She turned to Vegeta. "We're just going to borrow him for a little while."  
  
"Borrow?"  
  
"We uh."  
  
"Need some ham!" Dane cried.  
  
"YEA!" Jesa yelled.  
  
And in a rather unexciting puff of pink smoke, the three were gone, leaving Varro behind with his loaded rocket launcher. He looked around at everybody.  
  
"Uhm.."  
  
Goku blinked. "Want some Beef Jerky?"  
  
FIN.  
  
Authors Notes: Yeah yeah, I'm not rowing with both oars anymore. That happened a long time ago ^_^ To explain Varro Lain: He is the main character in the novel that I've been writing for four years (but am too afraid to post it on ff.net) called 'Chi Nia'. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this silly little fic. I liked writing it! ~J.J P.S If you hadn't noticed, 'Bald Midget' is my boyfriend's (Dane O'Hara) pet name for his favourite DBZ character, Krillin. 


End file.
